A holiday poem in the style of "How The Grinch Stole Christmas" by Dr. Seuss.
Every American on the Internet liked network neutrality a lot
But the FCC’s Grinchy Pai, former lawyer for Verizon, did not!
Pai hated net neutrality! He despised it, he dreaded it!
And on December 14th, he and his cronies, they shredded it.
It could be, perhaps, that he wanted more dough.
ISPs could make more with lanes fast and lanes slow.
But whatever the reason, cash or prestige,
His choice pissed off subscribers by many degrees.
Americans cried out in anger and dismay!
“We like net neutrality! Don’t take it away!”
“It’s good for free speech and new businesses too! Selling, reporting, and artistic debut!
We need it for school kids who have tests to take.
We need it for far away doctors with prognoses to make.
We need it so businesses can hit the ground running.
We need it for working from home, for homework, for funning.
We need it to save money. To get good Internet service.
We don’t want ISPs to decide what to serve us.”
“You have market protection,” he said with a snort.
But ILSR elves proved there was nothing of the sort.
The elves showed very little, almost no competition.
But Grinchy Pai didn’t care for the net neutrality tradition.
He wouldn’t listen to pleas to stop and investigate.
Even millions of fake comments didn't make him hesitate.
His planned to kill net neutrality completely.
His overlord ISPs would reward him so sweetly.
“Pooh-pooh to subscribers!” he was grinchily singing