Tag: "funny"

Posted December 24, 2018 by lgonzalez

As authors at MuniNetworks.org have the opportunity to add to our growing cache of holiday-themed, broadband-centric writings, we try to remember to share classics like this one from 2015. “Twas the Night Before Muni Fiber” was crafted by Tom Ernste and Hannah Trostle. Both have moved on to the next phases of their careers but their contributions to ILSR’s work, including this poem in the style of “A Visit from St. Nicholas” by Clement Clarke Moore will be appreciated for many years to come.

Enjoy, share, and thank you for your support!

 

 

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Posted December 21, 2018 by lgonzalez

As our readers begin their holiday celebrations, some may remember our spin on the classic Christmas tale, "How The Grinch Stole Christmas" by Dr. Seuss. Although several states have passed or are considering legislation to combat Grinchy-Pai and the other FCC Commissioners who erroneously repealed federal network neutrality protections in 2017, their decision has still left millions unprotected.

We decided to share the poem again this year in the hopes that, perhaps, it will be the last time! Enjoy!

 

The Grinch Who Stole Network Neutrality

A holiday poem in the style of "How The Grinch Stole Christmas" by Dr. Seuss.

 

Every American online liked network neutrality a lot

But the FCC’s Grinchy Pai, former lawyer for Verizon, did not!

 

Pai hated net neutrality! He despised it, he dreaded it!

And on December 14th, he and his cronies, they shredded it.

 

It could be, perhaps, that he wanted more dough.

ISPs could make more with lanes fast and lanes slow.

 

But whatever the reason, cash or prestige,

His choice pissed off subscribers by many degrees.

 

Americans cried out in anger and dismay!

“We like net neutrality! Don’t take it away!”

 

“It’s good for free speech and new businesses too! Selling, reporting, and artistic debut!

We need it for school kids who have tests to take.

We need it for far away doctors with prognoses to make.

We need it so businesses can hit the ground running.

We need it for working from home, for homework, for funning.

We need it to save money. To get good Internet service.

We don’t want ISPs to decide what to serve us.”

 

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“You have market protection,” he said with a snort.

But ILSR elves proved there was nothing of the sort.

 

The elves showed very little, ...

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Posted November 22, 2018 by lgonzalez

In the U.S., Thanksgiving is one of the busiest travel times of the year. Families and friends come together to catch up, to eat tons of food, and to appreciate their good fortune. It's a time to count our blessings and laugh at a few of the characters common to every family. This year, we've imagined some of those characters at Thanksgiving Dinner in the world of telecom...

Momma Greenlight

by Lisa

Thanksgiving would be just another TV dinner without someone willing to wake up at 4 a.m. to put the bird in the oven, prep the potatoes, and bake the pie. Just like Mom, Greenlight in Wilson, North Carolina, has gone above and beyond for the community. In addition to  providing an important economic development tool and creating an innovative program for folks who might struggle a little with Internet access bills, Wilson connected their neighbor Pinetops. In much the same vein, we know that if the next door neighbor was alone on Thanksgiving, Mom would invite them over for turkey and pumpkin pie.

Uncle Comcast

by Jess

He’s that uncle you don’t want to get stuck next to at the dinner table. Uncle Comcast will spend the entire time talking up his newest business venture while he ignores your aunt’s repeated request to pass the mashed potatoes. When you finally get a chance to talk he suddenly has to leave the table to take a call from one of his many lawyers. You’re a little worried he’s working on scheme to swindle grandma out of house and home in order to monopolize the inheritance

Cool Aunt Ammon

by Katie

thanksgiving-dinner.png Everyone in your family is always talking about...

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Posted October 31, 2018 by lgonzalez

Ghastly ghouls, horrific monsters, and vile flesh-eating creatures roam the earth this night of Halloween, but none evince the evil that has of late entered the halls of ILSR. One of our own has faced the torture of an entity bent on pushing him over the precipice of human endurance, twisting his psyche with the torment of nonsense, and claiming his head for their own.

On past Halloweens we’ve written fun, spooky content about scary telecom monsters and frightening tricks; this year we relay the haunting, dramatic tale of John Farrell and The Legend of CenturyLink Hell

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The Hamster Wheel of Phone Cord Purgatory

Unlike Icabod Crane of gothic New England lore, John's head has stayed firmly attached at the neck, but recent encounters with the office Internet service provider have lead him to that dark place where so many others have accidentally strayed - into the no man's land of customer service decapitation.

It all began with a new phone for the office. John, newly appointed Co-Director of the Institute for Local Self-Reliance and the head of the Democratic Energy Initiative, had ordered phones from ILSR’s Internet access provider in the past. CenturyLink, which provides VoIP, had provided the physical phones before with no issue, but this time there was no power adapter included in the package. Thinking the oversight would be easily remedied was John's first mistake ... and the first step on his journey into hell.

John reached out to the sales associate who he had worked with when ILSR switched from Comcast to CenturyLink’s fiber service. He explained that the new phone ILSR received didn’t include a power adapter and asked them to order one. To John's surprise and dismay, the sales associate told John that they couldn’t order a solo adapter and referred John to the Mac Desk at CenturyLink. He reached out to the sales people at the Mac Desk, but the answer he received was cold comfort that stirred an uneasy feeling in his bowels.

The Mac Desk sales team responded curtly. Ordering a solitary power adapter was not an option. It was not available in his admin portal, you see, and they could only place "bundled orders." John's head swimmed. In order to facilitate his request (and push him off on some one else), the Mac Desk...

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Posted December 25, 2017 by lgonzalez

 

Along with family, appreciating what we have, and sharing our benefits, the holidays have a strong sense of tradition. Several years ago, our team put together "Twas The Night Before Muni Fiber" and we've made it a tradition to share it each Holiday Season.

We look forward to more collaborations, challenges, and sharing in 2018. Enjoy and thank you for your support!

 

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Posted December 21, 2017 by lgonzalez

A holiday poem in the style of "How The Grinch Stole Christmas" by Dr. Seuss.

 

Every American on the Internet liked network neutrality a lot

But the FCC’s Grinchy Pai, former lawyer for Verizon, did not!

 

Pai hated net neutrality! He despised it, he dreaded it!

And on December 14th, he and his cronies, they shredded it.

 

It could be, perhaps, that he wanted more dough.

ISPs could make more with lanes fast and lanes slow.

 

But whatever the reason, cash or prestige,

His choice pissed off subscribers by many degrees.

 

Americans cried out in anger and dismay!

“We like net neutrality! Don’t take it away!”

 

“It’s good for free speech and new businesses too! Selling, reporting, and artistic debut!

We need it for school kids who have tests to take.

We need it for far away doctors with prognoses to make.

We need it so businesses can hit the ground running.

We need it for working from home, for homework, for funning.

We need it to save money. To get good Internet service.

We don’t want ISPs to decide what to serve us.”

 

candy-cane-for-christmas.jpg

“You have market protection,” he said with a snort.

But ILSR elves proved there was nothing of the sort.

 

The elves showed very little, almost no competition.

But Grinchy Pai didn’t care for the net neutrality tradition.

 

He wouldn’t listen to pleas to stop and investigate.

Even millions of fake comments didn't make him hesitate.

 

His planned to kill net neutrality completely.

His overlord ISPs would reward him so sweetly.

 

“Pooh-pooh to subscribers!” he was grinchily singing

...

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Posted October 31, 2017 by lgonzalez

What monster makes you tremble? Chills you to the core? Sends shivers through your soul? Could it be…the Monopoly Monster? Count Comcast? The Mummy from the Last CenturyLink?

We know how you feel and to help ease the fears that quicken your pulse when your open your monthly Internet access bill, we’re reanimating several goodies from Halloween 2015. We’re haunted by how these still ring true!

Enjoy, download, share!

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Posted September 30, 2017 by lgonzalez

 

We can use words to explain the debate around broadband speeds in the hallowed halls of the FCC, or we can let Jeff Lofvers do it with this awesome webcomic. Lofvers, a software developer, artist, and the creative force behind the Don’t Hit Save webcomic recently released this gem.

We know you'll appreciate it, so please take a moment to check out Don’t Hit Save and consider supporting his work.

 

 

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Posted February 14, 2017 by lgonzalez

If you’re like much of the country, you may be stuck in a bad romance with your Internet Service Provider. In the spirit of the holiday, the writers at MuniNetworks.org reimagined three of the biggest providers as their sweeties and, you guessed it, things weren’t all wine and roses.

 

Comcast - “The Creep”

by Kate

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All across the U.S., Internet subscribers are settling for Comcast when there’s no one else to date. After the excitement of a new relationship in the form of low price introductory rates disappears, you are left with nothing more than slow, inconsistent speeds and jacked up service fees. What had been a steady relationship quickly hits rocks when Comcast becomes lazy, realizing that you will never break up with them because there’s no one else in town to date. When you finally can’t stand Comcast’s high costs, added fees, data caps, and inconsistent speeds, you decide to take a break but just like a bad date, Comcast refuses to take “no” for an answer. What can you do when your only other choice is DSL? You’re trapped by “The Creep.”

 

AT&T - “Darth Vader”

by Hannah

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AT&T is the empire of telecom.  The empire will control everything and everyone through the power of the Death Star or, in AT&T’s case, through lobbyists and high prices. AT&T’s willing to put in a minimal level of support in rural areas: just like the empire maintains a small outpost on Tatooine but doesn’t care that the rural planet is full of smugglers and run by a mob of Hutts. Personified, the company is most certainly Darth Vader: manipulative, secretive, and powerful. He will only help you if there’s something in it for him. He doesn’t actually care about your feelings, only that he maintains power over you (it's just like paying AT&T not to spy on you). Don’t date Darth Vader – you can’t trust him.

 

CenturyLink - “The Old Geezer”

by Lisa

...

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Posted December 23, 2016 by lgonzalez

 

Xmas and New Year's Eve are traditionally a time to get sentimental. We started getting sentimental about last year's poetic holiday masterpiece by Tom Ernste and Hannah Trostle and decided to share it again this year.

From all of us at the Community Broadband Networks Initiative at the Institute for Local Self-Reliance, we wish you a happy holiday season and a 2017 filled with great moments!

 

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